Lessons from a funeral

I am often in awe of those triggers, in the most unexpected circumstances that make me pause and ponder what I thought would be so obvious.

If life is only there for self-enrichment, and personal gain, why are we here?

It is through experience and connection that we allow ourselves to grow and enable the light inside us to shine.

Yesterday, I attended the funeral of an extended family member, whom I’ve met only a few times. It was a simple ceremony, but it seemed to affect me more than I thought it would. Immediately, after the eulogies were read, I regretted not knowing this person more than I did and that I did not hear the stories first hand. It was clear, he had seemingly lived a full life: served in 3 wars, worked hard to not only build a family, but a career as well as continuing a life of civil service within whatever community he resided in during his life. He was 96, and although the crowd was small, he was well loved.

As we settled down in the funeral home chapel, the Rabbi came to the podium and began to speak. At that moment, I was not able to detach from the list of things that needed to get done that same day. The list weighed on my mind during the long drive to the service and I was consumed with working out the timing to determine how soon I could get back to that to-do list. The rabbi began to read, and at that moment, I let out a long breath. As I listened, in that moment, my mind became clear as she read a familiar but very distant passage:

“I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.

Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to the future generations.”

George Bernard Shaw

It resonated loudly in my mind and heart. I began to opine on my life; accomplishments, travel adventures, all of the people I have encountered in almost every situation you could imagine. The prose validated what I have come to believe, that my life belongs to my family and the community. As long as I live, it is my privilege to do whatever I can for the cause or causes I support. I too, want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no longer a 'brief candle' to me. It is more cherished than that: it is that splendid torch, which I have got hold of for this moment. I have become committed to make it burn as brightly as possible and then confidently hand it to the future generations that surround me. I am still not sure this is merely hubris, or a need to be and do more before that torch dims…so, I will focus on the positive perspective of it all.

The essence of Shaw's message reinforced in me, a profound sense of duty and belonging to a greater community. It is challenging me to consider the legacy I will leave behind. It has asked me to question how I utilize my remaining time on this earth, whatever that may be. This funeral, this piece of writing, inspires me to strive for a more meaningful existence, where my flaws do not define me, but rather my efforts to improve and uplift others, to make a difference, will be my motivation.

I recognize and will never deny my own imperfections. I am not immune to self-doubt and fear of inadequacy, yet I refuse to allow these flaws to paralyze me. Instead, I will leverage them to serve me as lessons for personal growth. I will aspire to embody the spirit of selflessness and hard work that characterizes the lives of so many who have passed before me. Every day will become an opportunity to foster connections within my community, to share kindness, and to strive for improvement—both for myself and for those around me.

I want to embrace the notion of being "thoroughly used up" when I die. I have grown a desire to engage fully in life, pouring my energy into worthy endeavors that hopefully illuminates a path for others.

Shaw’s metaphor of life as a "splendid torch" serves as a reminder of the temporary nature of our existence. At one time in life, I thought myself to be invincible…I never was, and I never will be. I was just lucky so many times. Or was I? I have no desire to live in the past, so I will leave what was to be then not now. However, I have promised myself to make the torch I hold, burn brightly. I hope and toil to illuminate my journey and if I should be so fortunate, maybe even light the path for others. This aspiration has invoked a sense of responsibility; I want to leave a positive impact, to inspire myself to be better, do better and overcome even the most insignificant self-destructive tendencies, those moments of doubt, those seconds that turn the polarities from positive to negative. I want to turn them back.

By pursuing acts of service, whether through volunteering, mentoring, or simply offering a listening ear, I hope to enrich the lives of others. As I strive to create a better life amidst my flaws, I recognize that the key lies in persistence and commitment to the well-being of my community. In the spirit of Shaw’s words, I am increasingly aware that the harder I work for others, the more vibrant my own life becomes.

With every effort I make, I am given the opportunity to discover joy, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging. This journey is about connection, support, and a shared responsibility we all should hold for one another.

The legacy of a life devoted to service by this man, and so many others, has urged me to reflect on my own purpose. It compels me to ensure that my time is spent actively contributing to my community, helping it to flourish. As I strive to burn my torch brightly, I am committed to using my life as a vehicle for positive change, embracing my imperfections while working to make the world a better place. With each deliberate act, I honor the extraordinary man we celebrated, and I, too, aim to leave behind a legacy that future generations can admire and aspire to.